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a letter to myself 5 years ago
Hey girl lots of changes ahead like you need to be warned? you think you finally came back to a permanent (for now) land you feel safe and secure after an awful year full of death and loss and changes they're still going to happen two more deaths and three more changes they will break you traumatise you give you depression and severe anxiety but please remind me in five years to live in the moment I already loved, it wasn't too scary I already lost, I'm still recovering I've lived the worst day of your life you should have been there! I needed your know-it-all ass to tell me it's okay to remind me that it's not my fault but that's just a fantasy because I know how guilty you are now even before it happens. remember that thing that haunted us for 10 years? remember those bad dreams and longful memories? we should have done something about them, didn't we? did we fail? did i fail? but what is failure? I don't know. to many...
and the sun
what is the truth. The revelation the Illumination, How can it be found, where, when and why. Through the sky in springtime flowers rise to greet the sun. Sits a girl on a hill smiling ablaze with sun fire fire sun. The illumination is the sun even in the moon is the sun. Sun is dead and vividly alive. Manifestoes of the sun, it's here has always been near, the sun burns an ode to fire the sun kisses an ode to love the sun rises an ode to tree the sun sets an ode to death.

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